sexually relating with two men and realy loving the third [I think I need help]...

indecisions?

I am not a Christian and don’t plan to be except of cause God destines that I am one, of cause this is not the reason n why I am writing this my story to you or who ever will read it from your blog.

I am from a polygamous family and my dad married 3 wives who sincerely tried to leave in peace and understanding even when my daddy dies.

Daddy was a very quite and honest individual as his friends said and as the society saw him. He managed to build a large six [6] bed-roomed bungalow house before he died, each wife took one room each with my Daddy occupying the big large room close to the family parlor and the other two rooms were boys and Girls room as the case maybe.

My daddy died when I just entered my year one in a federal university in the Northern part of Nigeria [I am 23 yrs old and in 200 level in the faculty of sciences] I was never trained in any trade or passion because we were always Inside the house. [Female children] but unfortunately he had facilitated by betrothal to the son of his childhood friend and everyone in the town where we live know that I am espoused to Ahmed Gobiri [not real name] who I do not like at all. He is 12 years older than I am , he does not show any signs of wanting to leave the town where he lives  and to crown it all  he so loves to chew Kola nut which has stained all his teeth [he actually is a fine tall man] but I detest marrying him, But ironically he has supported my large family dedicatedly because ever since daddy dies feeding and other things have been very difficult for us [13 children in all and 3 wives] I happen to be the first child as my Mum is the first Wife.

The Issue here is that I hardly go home as a result of the hardship at home but even send money home once in a while as a student, it will be safe to say I am currently going out with three men and I have had sex with two of them and in constant romance with my university boyfriend.

They are:

My espoused would be husband

2.      My  Very Good benefactor who gives me money regularly for my studies and up keep

3.      My campus Boyfriend [400 levels] who I have come to know the meaning of love with.

I have of course not told my campus boyfriend that I will marry him as he is aware of my money bag friend who gives me money [for school fees, upkeep and send some home] and he will of course know I spend the weekend wit him once in a while but he still finds it so easy to be my friend and be everywhere with me on campus.

My Betrothed husband in my town only calls and hardly sends me money but he never cease to buy me native cloths, veils and look in on my extended family etc…

so do I live my betrothed would be husband and damn the consequences of doing that [you dare not go against your parents, family, religion and culture where I am from] but I do not love him or any of his ways

I am fond of my money bag who is married but is so sympathetic to my situations and gladly pay all my bills [if he was not married and from my place it would have been easy to marry him]

My campus boyfriend is my Joy, he is from the west and has taught me how to browse, socialize, relate and know what romantic love is. He is a Christian.

So why write all this? Well who knows someone might have something to say that will help concerning my case seeing that I don’t have very close friends and have never had good counselors hence my taking advantage of this forum.

I wish I can only have one boyfriend and be a saint that God expect me to be but this are the situations am contending with... any advice will be appreciated.

The heart is not so smart...

heartflowz

That song writer says ''the heart is not so smart'' and rightfully so I should imagine.
Medically the size of your clenched fist is said to be like the size of your heart meaning that our heart is actually small when compared to the functions that it has been designed for it to do and of course the functions we have all allotted to it to do.
God designed the heart to pump blood to the other part of the body hence it is a very important part of our life if not the most important part.

However many of us have attempted and is still using the heart to feel and use as an umpire for love///
How wrong we have all been.

Your heart is not as smart for that... it can pump blood etc... But to know and judge if you are truly in love or if someone loves you? that is a NO NO NO
Commonsense and pure brainstorming spiced with prayers can do a whole lot better you know.

Poetically one could use the heart as a tool for love and all that but realistically it is the sane mind which is our brains that we should use in place of our heart and of course where you need to pray to God then you use your Spirit.

SO the next time you are in love... don’t let your heart go on a YES. YES. YES. Spree, think it through, pray it through and wait it out properly / patiently

Don’t neglect the place of your commonsense too.... I mean putting 2 and 2 together can assist in ways... But in the long wrong run, it is what you hear from God that will in the final analysis put your heart and mind at rest.

Make sure you have a beautiful life.

Heartflowz

The reasons why men cheat...

Cheating is an age long tradition and habit of men and believe me sometimes they do it because of their egos and not because they are being starved of love in the first place.                                                                

 So why do men cheat in relationships’ even though they all know that cheating is wrong?

v  When they are offered the chance to do it by a flirting female [men can hardly turn down things like this]

v   It boosts their ego.

v  The other woman appears not to be meeting his needs as he expected

v  As a way of revenge [men can sometimes revenge in several ways] if he is hurt by the spouse he may be sucked into the arms of another woman who is ready to submit to him. A man will also sometimes cheat if he finds out his partner was cheating on him. How else is he supposed to heal those hurt feelings of his but through good old fashioned sex'

v  You argue a lot. Men will sometimes cheat to get away from an overly critical or argumentative partner and into the arms of an adorable princess who has no problems with his ‘’Farting’’ etc…

v   If he falls out of love with you

v   If your sex life sucks as in you are close to being labeled a dead wood [men like collaborative sex] they want you to tell them, waow you are so great in bed...  Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try.
 Some men get tired of having rice for dinner every night and want to try pounded Yam laced with Dodo chips; this also goes for sex with other women. Hence men don't necessarily always cheat with prettier women, as long as she meets their needs, then she is welcome. [She doesn’t have to be more attractive than their partners]

v  If he has found you to be a softie, even if he is caught again like you have always caught him, you will end up forgiving him and it all ends with a great make up sex.

     Conclusion: Men are more complex than you imagine and believe me they are smarter if you are smart, they are like the proverbial crocodile that ends up shedding a few tears when it swallows up its victims.

BUT please note that no reason is good enough reason to CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE AND HURT THE OTHER PERSON, s life.

IF YOU ARE NO MORE INTERESTED IN THE REALTIONSHIP [IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED] then disengage honorably before you start cheating on her, and take the care to choose well the next time so that you don’t end up being a serial courtier.

Other Reasons can be

The Devil

Bad friends

Family background

Stress at home…… the woman “beats” the man [and is actually the breadwinner of the home]

Sympathy from outside…..

ü  Please Note that this is not saying that Men are always right or even right when they cheat, but pls. use this information well to your advantage.

You can add other reasons if you like.

Stay tuned for the REAL REASONS WHY WOMEN CHEAT TOO…..

Heartflowz…

Relationship buffers...

·         FOOD FOR THOUGHTS ON RELATIONSHIPS

·         You don’t have the power to change any body (God’s power changes people)

·         NO man is an Island, therefore you don’t have all to make you what you should be, seek God to bring Godly people across your path.

·         There is no need patching through an ungodly or unfulfilling relationship, seek wisdom to wisely and peacefully disengage from such relationships.

·         No person dead or alive SHOULD choose a “To marry’ relationship for you, every body in your life should be in the advisory or counseling position (though this should not give us the reason to disobey Godly Authority over our life)

·         When choosing marital relationships, our Parents and Pastors should be informed before going to the alter so that they can help check our hearts, plans and even the Person you want to marry Prayerfully, through Questions and Experiential discernment.

·         Every relationship has a time frame attached to it e.g.

o    Seasonal Relationships (Don’t cling to it when it’s over)

o    Eternal Relationships.(Cling to it with all your life as your life depend on it)e.g. Relationship with Jesus.

o    For-Ever relationships e.g. Marital Relationships, Close Family blood ties and very few friends (Marital Relationships are for ever, though not eternal so MAKE IT WORK)

·         Relationships are like vacuum boxes, you can only get from it what you have put in, so learn to cultivate and make your relationships work.

·         Do not major only on who “To marry”, but seek other healthy platonic relationships.(Define the relationship from the beginning)

·         There should always be a “Purpose” in every relationship you are in; there should be a COMMON FRONT. (Ask yourself the reason why you are in the relationship)

·         Run Away from relationships that sap and weaken you of energy, time, Money and even Self Esteem.

     Stay tuned for more…. And please do acknowledge when you use this information somewhere else.

     

 HearTFlowz